Belajar belajar belajar

kenapa aku kena study?

- sebab aku taknak gagal lagi

- mama ayah dah spend duit banyak sangat untuk aku

- kena score so boleh dapat scholarship apa-apa

- taknak pinjam ptptn

- nak berlagak ngan orang :P ok, niat dah lain tuh! betulkan niat hana!

I dont bear to hurt my parents anymore, I dont want to dissapoint them again and again.. I used to be an outstanding students back then .. I always pass my exams with flying colours .. But when I went to further my study at MJSC PC in form 4, which in top 3 ranked, my self esteem went down.. all of them are genius .. I dont blame my parents .. this are some disadvantages when you've been surrounding by all outstanding achievers from all schools .. I dont know how GPA and CGPA works .. So I thought I could procrastinate my study and do last minute revision like I used to .. but it became worse when I only score 2.90 at the first sem .. most of my classmate underrated me and looked down upon me .. my teacher loathe on me .. I started to be a loner.. I hate physics, additional mathematics and chemistry .. so, tada! that are the three subject I didn't score A in SPM, whilst others did .. 

now that final of semester 1 is around the corner, I must study smart and hard.. 
No more wasting your precious time .. 

nak dekat exam "to do list"
- buat past year revision
- jaga solat, awalkan solat, solat sunat hajat
- baca al-Quran
- Telefon mama ayah minta restu setiap malam
- Jaga kesihatan, jaga makan
- tidur awal? err, yang  ni tak :P

Mystified, she nonetheless complied

Everyday

assalamualaikum .. so today was fine .. nothing much to tell .. as today is the first day of lecture after more or less than two weeks of hari raya holiday, it wouldnt be Monday without some Monday meme.




class ; english, account, management

english was english.. we did positive letter.. an offer letter to a new employee kind of stuff for
2 hours - - yawnn.. I did realize no one answer miss Marinajan question .. all of students space out thinking of their home maybe .. I already miss home .. i just realized i loved reading out loud as much as i love laughing out loud .. if that make sense .. hahaa ..

recess was recess, bought nasi lemak and sausage roll .. eating while texting .. things aren't be the same anymore .. sigh .. there wasn't a slight smile for me .. starting to loathe me :\

account be account .. miss nadiah always noticed the boys haircut and compliment em' a lot .. unfortunately the projector at cendikiawan *these is how it is spell* doesnt work and she only read the notes, almost making me doze off .. I couldnt understand single thing with sound.. I only hearing without listening.. oh is there any difference for hearing and listening? aye, it might be .. Listening requires concentration so that your brain processes meaning from words and sentences .. Listening leads to learning .. however, hearing is simply the act of perceiving sound by the ear .. If you are not hearing-impaired, hearing simply happens .. for today accounting subject, we learn more on theory ..

management? tee hee .. sorry madam! im so sleepy because I finished a season of Games of Throne in 1 day .. malam esok ea madam :P

footnote : considering to make my blog public again

Anti - Depress

hey. My swing mood and depression has gone. Unexpected people make me feel better, see. Even if it's not their intention.  I guess these unexpected people are taking turns to make sure I'm okay and happy all the time. I appreciate your sudden appearance in my life .. it just that I dont want to lose you, but yeah , I shouldnt be too greedy .. human are always unsatisfied with their life ,, gerghh ... bersyukur hanaaa ......

cakap sal raya pula lah .. happy sangat2 balik rumah , semua air mata yang ditahan tumpah, mengalir, bercucuran dan lain2 lagi verb untuk tears .. menangis meraung .. it do make me feel better a lot. should practice these afterwards :D make myself busy by doing house chores, it is fun actually. buat kuih raya, and the taste of my pineapple tart biscuits are super duper indescribable, either you taste it, you wont know. also make the chipsmore kind of cookies, but apparently the chips arent too flashy on top of the cookies .. grrr .. hey chips u should stay obvious on top of the cookie like famous amos! or else i will give you to none .. haha , gila marah2 cookies ..

mcm ni lah kot cookies saya :P

Loneranger

I stumbled upon my friends blog post. I just google something about loneranger because im kinda feeling lonely at that time. And then her post show up. Gobstrucked fer while. I never notice her blog before this. she is a real blogger kot. because she been blogging since 2009. ezlnnasha.blogspot.com I wouldnt mind copying her post because she would never know pun .. hek hek .. I hope I wont dissapoint her ahahahaahh .. should I consider myself as a loneranger? teringat pula time tengok movie lone ranger ,, johnny depp is hella funny as always .. although the story line was quite not interesting, indeed .. tak habes2 feed the bird on his head .. ok ok ,, here her blogpost :3

LONERANGER.

Loneranger ni kalau nak bagi definition dia secara tak formal memang lah banyak. Kalau secara formal, aku pun taktau ada ka tak and aku malaihh nak pi Google. Okay so dalam context yang aku cakap ni. Loneranger tu ialah seorang yang melakukan hal dia sorang sorang dia dan dia tak effected pun dengan orang lain.

Kira dia tak hidup macam a pack of wolves or a fleet of sparrows. Dia lebih kepada Pheonix yang hidup sekoq sekoq dia yang tak even jejak tanah pun, more to leopards, jaguars and eagles. Depa ni lah loneranger in animal kingdom and without a single doubt, they're in the group of animals which are.. well.. awesome.

Aku observe loneranger loneranger dekat sekolah and ada satu hari tu aku sembang dengan kawan sejak darjah 2 aku. Aku tanya dia, 'You think kan, does she mind being like a loneranger?' And dia jawab, 'No, because she is great in everything. She basically got nothing to worry about'.

And that is why aku kadang kadang admire lonerangers ni. Diorang boleh survive in any kind of like social environment. Selalunya diorang ni either boleh ngam dengan semua orang or memang betul betul alone but they don't mind at all. Janganlah cakap pasal loner emo yang memang suka duduk sorang sorang mutter to themselves. Aku cakap based on parameter yang aku dah set aite.

Survival skills depa, lagi lagi dalam teenage years ni sangat awesome. And in like studies, kadang kadang kita rasa kena duduk dengan ada kawan dekat sebelah sebab cikgu cikgu tanya soalan lepas tu takut tak boleh jawab. Loneranger yang sorang ni aku tengok, tak kira lah cikgu apa pun, dia lekkk ja duk sorang sebab apa soalan yang cikgu tanya dia memang boleh jawab and dia nampak macam happy ja jadi loneranger.

Lonerangers bukannya tak berkawan langsung dengan orang. Just dia tak melekat like prinsip bestfriends forever tu mungkin dia tak apply dalam hidup dia. Yang paling best, tak adalah orang yang nak sakitkan hati dia dan dia pun mungkin sangat jarang nak ter-effected dengan perangai/actions orang lain.

Like cool gila kan?

Depression Spree .

*Kill Paradise - Fall From a Star

couldn't get out of my head

depression attack again .. about three things .. one remain secret in me .. recently there is this bitch in my class who introduce a crap acronym which is T.E.A.M. that stands for "together everyone achieve more" while our group are doing presentation in the class .. the irony is that she doesnt really do anything pun in my group, she act like a bossy and always ask me to do most of the work but she never thanked me once .. I might seem like the one who couldn't be rely on and the most irresponsible person ever, but try to think about it , I contribute the most ..
then again, she ask me to do other presentation pulak., err? nevermind, just took the task willingly even tho this week as hectic as hell. Im considering it because I know they are struggling to study hard and im happy for that. plus that they also must do the correction for accounting midterm paper 3 set which is bundled their task more than me. here come the most annoying damn fucking terrifying *insert lots of curse word here* .. that bitch compel me to be the presenter too .. what the heck? arent our group consist of 10 fucking people? what are their task? goyang kaki? fuck that bitch .. then she said im immature for refusing that task? huh? really? bitch pleaseeee!!

this early morning, Im so sleepy, sort of whacked and tired .. jalan lenggang2 malas2 gi kelas .. the class seem to be unoccupied at that time .. so I picked my favourite spot to dozed off for a while .. then , here come this bitch *another bitch pulak .. named her as derpina :P  she asked me to moved .. i was like eh? bnyak lagi tempat lain kosong .. pick other places but not mine ok .. then she whining about it and complain a lot .. @.@" whats wrong with her .. stress aku ngan orang2 macam ni .. 
then lepastu after islamic studies, theres another one thing that drag me to become moody throughout the day .. its about nametag , but I manage to cooldown the anger .. because of someone .. 

the last thing that happen tonight is sort of humiliating myself .. 

okay okay .. chill the fuck out :<